The joys of pregnancy and true blessings

I am pregnant and, as if I do not already vent to anyone in earshot, I feel the need to vent it here on my blog, as well. I am thinking maybe if I vent here I will stop complaining so much to people who actually have to listen. You can stop reading now, if you like but they just have to listen or walk away.*

*this may be worth reading after all as I have had some revelations while writing it.


This is baby boy number 2

I feel somewhat guilty in hating to be pregnant for several reasons. The latest one being a sweet family who has a little 1 lb 12 oz baby boy fighting for his life on a ventilator. I have dear friends who have had miscarriages and suffer from other fertility issues. All of these are awful, there is no doubt. In fact, if I were not carrying this child to term I would feel even more awful than I do physically. I know that for certain. So, why do these things not sink into my brain when I am complaining about what realistically, is just a lot of discomfort?

I am a selfish person who has not lived with enough discomfort in life to understand what it truly is. Realize when I say this, my life has not been perfect. In fact, I dealt with a great deal of garbage in my late teens and early twenties as well as a few other things in life. But, I have a wonderful, loving and supportive family and always have had. I made a lot of stupid decisions that led to a lot of the garbage and yet through it all I still have experienced the grace and mercy of my Saviour, Jesus Christ. And a lot of other good has come from the dark places.

BUT, I do not know what it is like to be starving for days at a time or to live in a place with a dirt floor and thatch roof. I have NO idea what it feels like to hear gunfire and bombs going off in my city on a regular basis or to fear that the local police force may come into my house, kidnap my husband, hurt my children and rape me. I do not know what it is like not to have the freedom to worship my God in a public place for anyone to see for fear of being put in prison and tortured or killed. I do not know the reality of living in a country where the church you happen to be affiliated with is the one that people throw bombs into.

So, I have a child, who happens to be a blessing, stretching out his little self inside me where there is no longer room to do that. So, he feels the need to be a Kung Fu fighter in there at 2 am. I have not had a good nights sleep in a few weeks. I have heartburn almost 24/7 with no relief. My hips hurt, my back hurts, my belly hurts, and a lot of the time my behind hurts. I feel simultaneously hungry and full most of the time. In the big picture while I have a hard time seeing the "joys of pregnancy" I can not wait for the end result and as I reflect on true suffering I know I need to suck it up and realize that I have never, at this point in my life, experienced what true suffering is. And for that I am MORE than thankful. And for the blessing that this little man is and will be in my life and, I hope, the lives of others I can do nothing less than thank God for allowing me the privilege of being his and his big brother's mommy.

Big brother

Isn't he just the sweetest little thing?!

One of those trimesters. . .

I am feeling frustrated by mommyhood. Yeah, I admitted it. I am currently hugely pregnant with heartburn almost all day long, pain in my knees, my back and my sciatic nerve on both sides (and those are only the "regular" pains). And I have a child who now wants to end every day with a fit. I am fairly certain a lot of his fit throwing has to do with the baby that is coming. I am sure he has figured out that he is not going to get mommy's full, undivided attention any more but I would rather he get it out in the middle of the day or the morning. By the end of the day I feel so horrible I have a hard time enjoying our quiet, reading, getting ready for bed time but I do it. He is usually so very pleasant up until the time I actually leave the room and then it all begins. I was responding the first few nights and now I do not. As a result the fits have become shorter but still have not disappeared. Am I asking too much for it to just stop? I want our end of day to be pleasant and wonderful like it always has been before. I know he is probably thinking, I know this is going to change when baby comes.
Life is changing and since I hate being pregnant I can not wait until the day this child comes into the world but life will change. I know this child is and will be a blessing as my older one is but change is still change and we are all going to have to learn to adjust to this and adapt and make it all work. Have I mentioned I have friends with four, six, seven kids? What were THEY thinking?!



I am sure they were thinking what a joy and blessing from the Lord that children are. And I agree wholeheartedly but for the moment I am just going to have to remind myself of that every five seconds. And when I finally meet this new little one and I see his brother be a GREAT big brother I will be reminded why we do this. And on other days I will just have to remind myself a little bit more.



Jesus said, “Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19.14 NASB

At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children." Matthew 11.25 NIV

Isaac pleaded with the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was unable to have children. The Lord answered Isaac’s prayer, and Rebekah became pregnant with twins.
Genesis 25.21 NLT

So it came to pass in the process of time that Hannah conceived and bore a son, and called his name Samuel, saying, “Because I have asked for him from the LORD.”
1 Samuel 1.20 NKJV